Apparently if you want to be on MTV’s The Real World, you have to sign a contract that says you understand you may be raped.
What super heros look like when they pose as Wonder Woman.
Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Using his bare hands, Republican Rep. Paul Ryan choked an 85-year-old woman to death last night, earning praise for his “serious” attempt to balance the United States Federal Budget.
The woman – Susan Johnson, the mother of five and a grandmother of 14 – had been using federal money to treat the leukemia that is currently killing her. Showing his no-nonsense, come-and-go fiscal conservative side, Ryan drove to Mrs. Johnson’s house, rang the bell, then choked the life out of her when she answered the door.
“Here is a woman that is dying, who is using federal money rather than pulling herself up by her bootstraps and taking care of herself,” said Ryan, who believes that budget surpluses are a dangerous thing. “It was time for her to make a sacrifice for this nation.”
The mainstream media and Ryan’s political allies praised the young Representative’s gumption and dedication to fixing the U.S. debt problems.
“This murder sets the standard of seriousness for anybody who wants to play in this discussion,” wrote New York Times columnist David Brooks, who is extremely rich. “Unless we are serious enough to murder grandmothers, we will fail as a nation.”
For their part, congressional Democrats produced a new bill that would “Make it a crime for politicians to murder poor elderly women.” Republicans, however, held up the bill by attaching an amendment to it that would make it illegal for citizens to receive federal or state support for anything, ever.
Washington Post columnist Dana Milbank mocked the Democratic efforts to stop Ryan from murdering anymore elderly grandmothers.
“It gives a sense of how things would be if liberals ran the world: no cuts in Social Security benefits, government-negotiated Medicare drug prices, and increased income taxes and Social Security taxes for the wealthy. Corporations and investors would be hit with a variety of new fees and taxes. And the military would face a shock-and-awe accounting: a 22 percent cut in Army forces, 30 percent for Marines, 20 percent for the Navy and 15 percent for the Air Force. The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan would end, and weapons programs would go begging,” wrote Milbank, a liberal. “And no one would be brave enough to murder a Medicare queen like Susan Johnson.”
Following the murder of the elderly grandmother, the Conservative think tank The Heritage Foundation released a new report stating that the murder of Johnson should help get unemployment in the U.S. down to .3 percent by late 2012.
Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles
TWITTER - Twitter users of all political stripes were covered in a layer of Liberal goo on the site today, as Liberals from throughout the United States simultaneously exploded and gooified the joint following the rapid-fire news that Glenn Beck was leaving his Fox News program and that Wisconsin Supreme Court Justice nominee JoAnne Kloppenburg had beaten incumbent Justice David Prosser.
“SPLAT!☺” wrote Twitter User @LynCKos.
Many liberals cheered the efforts of Twitter User @StopBeck, whose has waged a relentless battle against Beck, helping to make the show unsponsorable. Some have take to calling today the “Glennpocalypse.”
But while liberals celebrated, Republicans continued to plot doom for humanity.
“Any Reduction In Size Of Government Takes Away Power Of Democrat Party To Enslave The People,” said Rush Limbaugh.
Liberal Goo can be removed from clothing with baking powder and a strong detergent, though burning of clothing is advised. Shower following prolonged exposure. Symptoms of overexposure include: Smugness, an overall sense of self-worth, rare feelings of “happiness.”
Crossposted at WIlliam K. Wolfrum Chronicles
I am a feminist. I understand that some may argue with that or claim I am a poor example of a feminist - I am far from perfect in this self-assessment. But I do understand the movement, and at very least work to be a feminist ally.
I have no fear of the term “feminist.” It’s demonization has little to no affect on me. There is not one part of me that is lessened by my feminist beliefs. As much as I can proudly state I am a liberal, I can state that I am a feminist.
And now is the time for more Liberal men to stand up with feminists.
Right now in the United States, Conservative men are picking apart the rights of women. Conservative women are either actively involved, or staying out of the debate. Across the nation, this war against women’s rights is accelerating. The web magazine Mother Jones has done an excellent job reporting on these attacks, including stories on:
- Arkansas attempts to restrict abortion access;
- A GOP Bill that would force IRS agents to perform “Abortion audits;”
- A South Dakota bill that would essentially legalize the murder of doctors who perform abortions;
- The GOP’s attempts to defund Planned Parenthood.
Mind you, these are but a scant few of the attacks against women that are happening now at both the state and national level. If anything has taught us that a main part of the Republican agenda is to take away the rights of women, it’s their actions since the November elections. An all-out war against women has been declared.
And it’s going to be a rout if liberal men don’t take up these causes with the same fervor as their feminist allies. Women will lose control of their own bodies.
Whether or not men reading this consider themselves feminist is of no interest to me. But the rights of women should be of great interest to us all. It is time for us to join this fight, because without the help of male allies, Conservative men will have their way, and women will no longer have control of their own bodies.
In the end, all I can do is commit myself to be a greater part of this fight and plead that more men join the cause and stand by women in this war against them. I am a feminist. Whether you are matters not. But if you are a man that consider himself a liberal, this is a fight that must be joined.
Put us over the top, people!
MoJo has been just superb of late …
WASHINGTON – Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi today took over the White House, which had been empty due to President Barack Obama’s trip to Brazil.
“I now am President of America,” said Gaddafi, who sneaked in a back door into the empty White House. “Bow before me, infidels!”
After taking over the Oval Office, Gaddafi’s first order of business was to change the name of the United States to “Libya 2.”
Conservatives around the United States – who had been attacking Obama for being in Brazil when the U.N. began its attacks on Libya – crowed with schadenfreude.
“See!? See!? This is what happens when you leave the White House,” said Ed Morrissey of Hot Air. “Anyone can just take over!”
Political gadfly Sarah Palin added her two cents to the unfolding situation, as well.
“Wait, I could have just walked in and taken over?” wrote Palin on her Facebook page. “WTF??”
Obama has yet to comment on the situation, as he is still in Brazil and unable to get news from America.
While it remains to be seen what will happen with Gaddafi now running the United States, Big Business has come out in support of Gaddafi.
“As long as Gaddafi keeps taxes low and opens up off-shore drilling and ANWR, we don’t see this as a problem,” said BP CEO Robert Dudley. “We feel we’ll have a long and prosperous relationship with the people of Libya 2.”
Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles
- I still am unable to completely grasp all that has happened and is happening in Japan.
- Watching a soccer game (Uberaba vs. Palmeiras, Brazil Cup) played on a drenched field is a treat. No matter how aware the players are, the change in physics is beyond them.
- Uberaba is in Triangulo Mineiro, like me.
- Sarah Palin has perfected the long-practiced Political art of “OMFG YOU’RE VICTIMIZING ME!”
- Wherever she is, whatever she is doing, I guarantee one thing right now – Sarah Palin is offended as fuck about something.
- I’d become an MMA fighter, but I wouldn’t look good with cauliflower ears.
- On a potential NFL lockout, this sounds interesting.
- Looking ahead at the next two years, it’s pretty easy to see why Hillary Clinton will want out.
- Nate Dogg was most definitely in the house.
“Notes on a Scorecard” inspired by Alan Malamud’s sports column in the Los Angeles Herald Examiner.
… In the two decades since the King beating, things have changed in the United States. Not in the way many would have anticipated, of course. Baby steps have been made to improve race relations. And some steps have been taken to improve the heinous act of police brutality. But the main change is this – police departments around the nation have worked overtime to make it a crime to videotape cops.
Read the rest at Alan Colmes Presents Liberaland.
I really want an all beef hot dog with mustard for breakfast.
I’m not afraid of the changes in my life that I’m facing.
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